Thursday, November 19, 2015

Sometimes: The Married Christmas Version

Sometimes you remember fondly the years of Christmas dating.

When you had a bank account separate from your boyfriend. And he would sometimes spoil you rotten using his very own money.

Sometimes those years are long, long gone.

Sometimes you miss them. Just a little.

Because sometimes, with married Christmas, when it's all said and done. And the kids are taken care of...there is no money left for the two of you.

And sometimes that's just fine. 

Because the kids being happy?  That's what really matters, right?

So sometimes, in the hard years (which...aren't they all?) the conversation goes like this:

Him: What do you want for Christmas this year?

Me: Nothing. We can't afford it. And I don't really need anything. How about you?

Him: I'm good too.

But sometimes you get each other things anyway. Small things.

And sometimes big things. But after you open it all you can think is...Crap. I hope we don't actually need car insurance this month.

So it's really good that sometimes...most times...small things are enough.

Because the kids being happy? That's what really matters, right??

But sometimes as Christmas is once again approaching, you think about perfume. And headphones. And this perfectly fabulous pair of of black suede ankle boots with ruffled trim. And a jacket you'd like to get for him.

And so sometimes the conversation goes like this:

Me: Won't it be nice when we have lots of money and we can get each other everything we want for Christmas?

Him: The longer we're married and the more Christmases we have together, the more I realize I really just want to be with you for Christmas.

Me: Oh good. Then we can use all the money to buy presents for me.

Sometimes aren't you glad you're not married to me?

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Sometimes: The Pillow Talk Version

Sometimes, in that magical & miraculous hour when all the house is still, you want to talk with your husband while you are laying in bed. 

Sometimes, after 15 years, you realize there is nothing in the world that you can talk about that will engage him. (Or keep him awake.)


Then sometimes you decide to talk about something he likes to talk about.

Sometimes that thing is football. University of Utah football to be exact.

Sometimes you start out by asking about their season.

Sometimes you are foolish. And you say something like: I've watched a million football games and had a million different people try to explain it to me. And I still just don't really get it.

Sometimes you have never seen your typically reserved husband talk so much in your entire married life together.


Sometimes the conversation that follows includes things about trick plays. And running the punt.

Him: Like this guy, Tom Hackett. He took it and actually ran it 30 yards. He won the Ray Guy award!

Me: What? Who? Who is this "Ray" guy? Like his name is actually Ray and he's a guy? Or his name is Ray Guy? Did Ray actually give him the award? I'm so confused. Tom Hackett is from Utah?

Him: He plays for Utah. But he's actually from Australia. He's pretty if you ever see an interview with him.

Me: Um, I don't think I'll be seeing any interviews with him.

Sometimes you are wrong about that. And the next 10 minutes is spent watching an interview with Tom Hackett. Who is not really that funny. 
(But he IS really from Australia. So there's that.)

Sometimes you get more information about football than you ever bargained for. 

And sometimes it is not as easy as you think it will be to end the conversation.

Me: OK. I think I'm done with this. I'm tired. And you're just confusing me even more.

Him: What?? Really?!? You can't get me all excited like that! And then just expect me to stop talking about football! Come on babe!

Sometimes the conversation continues. And includes things about pinning down in the five. Defensive coordinators. And training camp for snappers.

Me: There's no logic to it. Exactly how many things can you describe with the word down? It's not even a noun. It's a stupid game.

Him: It's the best game ever. 

Sometimes you think you've hit on a fantastic job prospect.

Me: I've got it! I know what you should do! Maybe you can get a job talking about football to people who actually give a crap.
(It's possible I used a word other than "crap.")

Him: Believe it or not I don't actually know enough crap about football.

Me: I don't believe it.

Sometimes you don't get to sleep until about 2 a.m.

But now you know what kind of pillow talk your husband enjoys.

Although think it might be a while before you go there again.