A Time to Blog

Fantasia had a school project to do tonight for her Foods II class which was making dinner for our family. Somehow this meant that, despite her need for my constant instruction and presence in the kitchen, not only did we have a delicious meal complete with appetizer & dessert (as specified by the assignment) but also we ate earlier than normal. "Normal" for us is usually late. Sometimes ridiculously so. Which meant that I, in turn, had time to catch up on some seriously belated blog-reading. Specifically, my kick-trash sister, Katie, and my dear friend/idol/inspiration/blog-maestro, Lara.

Reading through several fabulous blog entries has inspired me to set a few blog and non- blog related goals: I want to blog more. Take more pictures. Find more humor in things that drive me out of my mind. Read more. Enjoy my kids more. Buy more cereal. Be home more. Be thin. Be inspiring.

Okay, so not all of those goals are realistic. But surely I can attempt to find a few quiet moments a month to catch up and to blog about the things that make me happy. And sad. And grateful to be alive.

(Watch for ... Lincoln's entire first 20 months of life, just as soon as I ask Karyn for the pictures...)

People named Jody.

So, I went through the McDonalds drive-thru the other day (in hopes of getting a Yoda toy in my Happy Meal.) Normally, they are pretty quick, but when I got to the window to pick up my food (sadly, sans Yoda) they asked me to wait for a couple minutes. No biggie; I wasn't in a huge hurry. PLUS, it gave me time to read the various employee notices and, in particular, the sign posted on the side of the McCafe coffee-drink machine contraption thingie.

It went a little something like this:

ATTENTION EMPLOYEES!

We have received SEVERAL customer complaints about the quality of our McCafe Lattes.

PLEASE be sure to use the following measurements when making the lattes:

Medium Size

2 shots of caramel

1 whipped cream

Large Size

3 shots of caramel

2 whipped cream

By following these McDonalds recipes, we can ensure the satisfaction of our customers.

*Specifically a woman in a champagne colored Acura named Jody.

I have two questions to ask of all the Jodys out there. Just two.

Number one: Is it really not already sucky enough to be working at McDonalds without having to deal with managerial notes about latte recipes?

Number two: Really?? You're going to complain about the quality of something you are ordering at McDonalds?

New Young Mom v. Old Mom

In Hollywood, everyone is having babies in their 30's and 40's. This is not usually the case in the rest of the world. It's ok. I accept and embrace my "Old Mom-dom." I have, however, noticed a few differences between myself and mothers who are younger and newer to momhood than me. Here are just a few:

New Mom: Purchases and totes with her everywhere a fashionable, new diaper bag with lots of pockets and a matching wipe case.
Old Mom: Shoves a diaper & wipes in her purse. Or, in a pinch, just sticks a diaper in her back pocket or hopes there is one in the car.

New Mom: Brings lots of snacks, fun toys & fancy-schmancy homemade quiet books with her to church or other outings.
Old Mom: "Ummmm. Here's a smashed Jr. Mint to eat and some some hand sanitizer to play with."

New Mom: Worries about every little thing her baby eats and is certain to only start foods when recommended by the pediatrician.
Old Mom: Starts her baby on milk around 11 months cuz it's close enough & formula is expensive. Feeds her baby whatever she can get her hands on when he's hungry. (see Jr. Mints above)

New Mom: Can't wait to go to every single school activity that her child is in. Muffins with Mom. Plays. Programs. Math Night.
Old Mom: Tries to bribe her daughters to please not make her go to Arts Night. Please.

New Mom: Makes sure to read with her children faithfully for 20 minutes every night after dutifully helping them with all of their homework.
Old Mom: Does reading the instructions off the box of a Mac & Cheese count? Here, quick read me the junk mail. It's time to go to bed. Crap! Homework. You can do it in the car on the way to school. Now hustle!!

New Mom: Finds time to blog about every cute little thing her child/children does/do. Including several pictures.
Old Mom: First blog in over a year. Do I really have to say it?

A Child's Perspective on Her Mother's Condition.

I won't bore you with details of how burdensome, exhausting, and unwieldy it is to be 10 days away from delivering a baby. I will, however, let you know what Audrina unwittingly acknowledged last night at bed time.

I had gotten all the kids in pajamas, said prayers (one together, and one for each of them so as to keep nightmares at bay and keep them in their own beds for the night), and tucked in each precious one. Plenty of effort in and of itself.

I went and got a drink of water, took my nightly Zantac, and went to the bathroom ... again. I was just climbing into bed not really thinking about the effort that it takes, hoisting myself up there, rearranging pillows, etc. when from across the hall comes a little voice,

"Mommy? Are you extercising?"

Enough said. Anytime now Lincoln. Any. Time.

Pregnancy Top 5

Let's be honest. There is really not much that is fun or desirable about being pregnant. Looking and feeling like a bloated, deformed, grouchy(er) version of yourself is not always the greatest. Acid reflux, aching muscles, sleeplessness ... not a few of my favorite things. (Quite frankly, I'm not overly fond of whiskers on kittens or girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, but that is a post for another day.) However, there are some distinct advantages to packing around a freakishly acitve tiny being 24 hours a day.

1. Stretchy Pants. Let me just begin by saying that the older I get, the lazier I get. The fact that I haven't had to undo a single pair of pants in like 6 months ... pretty cool. It makes the 47 trips to the bathroom per day just a little bit less awful. No snaps, no zippers, no buttons. It's all about the fabulous strechy panel.

2. All You Care to Eat ... And Then Some. Yes, I know that it is highly irresponsible to gorge yourself while you are pregnant. Gone are the days when doctors and well meaning friends and loved ones encouraged the expecting mother to eat her weight in food. However, I say that if I am going to be a cow anyway, I am going to enjoy it by eating pretty much whatever I want. Halloween candy, pie, fudge, eclairs ... YUM. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas feasts, the turkey has learned to shudder at my very presence. Dead and roasted or not. Sure, sure, some will say that it is going to make it that much harder to lose the weight. Whatever. I'm old, it's going to be hard to lose the weight anyway. Bring it on, Turkey. Yeah, and invite your friend Mashed Potatoes to the party, too. Bring it.

3. Time to Stop and Smell the Roses. I am absolutely loving the extra moment I have at least twice a day to just take a breath and think about that things that matter most to me. Sure, that time is when I have to stop and catch my breath between putting each shoe on. Doesn't mean I can't enjoy it.

4. Handicapped Parking. Can I say that I just LOVE that when you are pregnant you are able to use hadicapped parking spaces? The convenience of being able to park close to the entrance to any giving building is immeasurable. Not to mention how nice it is in inclement weather. I have a hard enough time walking anywhere as it is. I don't know what I would do without the use of handicapped parking. What a blessing! What's that you say? Pregnant women AREN'T supposed to use the handicapped parking spaces?? What?!? How rude. OK, scratch that. Just forget I said anything.

5. Baby on Board ... And Totally in the Way. I apologize, honey, I simply can't do the dishes. Can't quite reach the sink. So sorry. Guess you'll have to wash them again. I feel really bad about it, though. REALLY bad. :)

There it is folks. The pregnancy Top 5. I'm sure a ton of other wonderful perks of being pregnant will come to me later ... just don't have time right now. Have to go so I can find some Tums and crawl around to relieve pressure from my hips or I'm sure I could think of a million more.