Friday, March 20, 2009

Why Is My Poop Green? (or, TMI: The Information SuperHighway Gone Wrong)

WARNING: This post contains the word "poop" several times, and while it is not necessarily about poop, it is not for those of you who may be faint of heart or of a delicate nature.

Ok, so my sister called me the other day and mentioned that she had been googling on-line to find out why her computer was running so slow. Well, as most of you know, Google has an auto-fill feature on their search bar that will attempt to predict and fill in (via drop box) the question or terms that you might be searching for. Well, my sister was going to type in the question "why is my computer so slow" in an attempt to get some tips on cleaning up her hard drive and the very FIRST thing that showed up in the Google drop box was .... You guessed it, "why is my poop green." I'm dead serious. Try it if you don't believe me.

I am not yet sure why it is the first thing to come up. It is not the question with the most hits, nor is it alphabetically first in the "why is my ..." list. It is, however, probably the funniest; so I think someone who works for Google just has a great sense of humor (and maybe a mom like mine who wouldn't ever let her kids say the word "poop" while growing up.) Well, believe it or not, that's not the part that disturbs me. The truly horrifying thing is that the question, "why is my poop green," has 368,000 results. That's right, folks. THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT THOUSAND results. Gross. I haven't even decided what's grosser, the people asking the question? Or ... the people answering the question? What's grosser than gross? I'll tell you what's grosser than gross. Green poop, that's what.

Now, I have heard of a time not so long ago, in a galaxy not far away at all when it was considered crass and offensive and generally against all rules of proper etiquette to discuss topics such as passing gas, underclothing, and bowel movements in public. Even with your spouse or other members of your family. (This was not so much the protocol in my family, but that's a different story altogether.) My question is: How is it that we have moved as a society from not being able to look at a woman's bare ankle to discussing green poop with potentially 368,000 strangers? I understand that the internet offers people near-limitless anonymity. But, really people? You have access to any information that you want right at your fingertips, and you want to ask questions about the hue of your poo?? I don't get it. Do you not have a doctor? Do you not watch CSI and see that they can break into your hard drive and find any information you have ever accessed on-line even if it has been deleted and your computer has been irreparably damaged in a fire? Is that really how you want to be remembered if you are the victim of a grisly murder? As the person who was researching green poop? Sad, very sad.

Too much information, people. Too. Much. Information.


  1. While the post istself is excessive in its hilarity and its potential to make someone literally bust a gut, I must say that the most funny and memorable line of the entire message is the fact that you referenced "the hue of your poo." Truly, it sounds like something Dr. Seuss' gastroenterologist brother would have written a book about. As in, "if you wonder about the hue of poo, I'll tell you one thing you should do. Just make a date with Dr. Trowls, who's sure to help you sort your bowels..."

  2. While it might not be the MOST asked question on the internet, it is sure to be the most urgently asked question on the internet. Or not.

    That is very funny. And so are you.

  3. Definitely had me laughing . . . A LOT. How funny. I also loved "the hue of your poo" line.

    And, I'm also very happy with the quick update. I'm hope you are getting addicted!

  4. Oh man. I'm dying over here!! HAHHAHAHAHHAH....oh, man. "Hue of your poo" is priceless.