What You Didn't Know About the Bossy Turtle

Have you ever seen the behind-the-scenes of a model shoot? It is a feature they sometimes have in magazines to show you that things aren't always as perfect as they look. They usually show the model in hours of hair & make-up, the time and effort that goes into just the right lighting and backdrop and fans to create just the right windblown look. Sometimes they will even show you the back of the dress all done up with a million tucks and pins to make it look just right from the front. These features (I'm assuming) are meant to make us feel better. See, it took effort to create that perfect moment!! Um, whatever. The point is that the stars always look fan-freaking-tastic. And I don't know about you, but until I have a staff of a million people making sure I look like that for photographs, knowing that that's what Angelina Jolie has doesn't really make me feel all that much better.

Well, since I have already taken you through the oh so exciting contents of my purse. I thought it might be fun to let you in on the very unflattering behind-the-scenes of a Halloween 2014 picture.

This is the Halloween picture of which I speak:

No. Not A Halloween picture. THE Halloween picture. Meaning pretty much the only Halloween picture we got this year. You see, sometimes I have this need to overachieve. Sometimes I also have this idea that things will be more fun than they actually are. This looks like a super fun idea, right? Family costumes. Ninja Turtles. What wouldn't be fun about that?? What you maybe can't tell from this picture is this: 

• Rafael is crying. And hates her mother.
• Michelangelo just finished crying. 
• Donatello's teeth are clenched so tight it's a wonder her jaw still works. 
• Leonardo didn't agree with the "muscle" placement on his shirt. 
• Rafael had me re-paint her weapon because Michelangelo had scraped off a little of the silver paint.
• Then Leonardo was jealous because Rafael's weapon was shinier than his. So I repainted his too. 
• Michelangelo wouldn't let me tie his shell on with brown ribbon like the rest of us. And cried and cried until we used red ribbon.
• Donatello accidentally ordered her leggings in Medium. And didn't bother to try them on until Halloween.Which would be fine except that Medium in China apparently means, "HA HA HA! You big fat American. Why don't you stop eating?? Anything. Ever."
• Michelangelo had to be physically restrained to get those orange ties on him.
• Rafael couldn't see out of her mask. (And yet somehow was still crying that the sun was in her eyes.) 
• And...there may or may not have been some profanities thrown around right before, during, and after this picture was taken. Possibly by the purple turtle.
• Also, the purple turtle was so busy freaking out on her little herd of turtles that she totally spaced submitting a major assignment for one of her classes. Ironically, Art class. Way to go, Donatello.

I guess the important thing is that we look awesome, right? And maybe Donatello learned a lesson about themed family costumes. And just letting her kids enjoy the holiday. 

Or maybe not. Ideas for next year?