Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Pregnancy Top 5

Let's be honest. There is really not much that is fun or desirable about being pregnant. Looking and feeling like a bloated, deformed, grouchy(er) version of yourself is not always the greatest. Acid reflux, aching muscles, sleeplessness ... not a few of my favorite things. (Quite frankly, I'm not overly fond of whiskers on kittens or girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, but that is a post for another day.) However, there are some distinct advantages to packing around a freakishly active tiny being 24 hours a day.

1. Stretchy Pants. Let me just begin by saying that the older I get, the lazier I get. The fact that I haven't had to undo a single pair of pants in like 6 months ... pretty cool. It makes the 47 trips to the bathroom per day just a little bit less awful. No snaps, no zippers, no buttons. It's all about the fabulous strechy panel.

2. All You Care to Eat ... And Then Some. Yes, I know that it is highly irresponsible to gorge yourself while you are pregnant. Gone are the days when doctors and well meaning friends and loved ones encouraged the expecting mother to eat her weight in food. However, I say that if I am going to be a cow anyway, I am going to enjoy it by eating pretty much whatever I want. Halloween candy, pie, fudge, eclairs ... YUM. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas feasts, the turkey has learned to shudder at my very presence. Dead and roasted or not. Sure, sure, some will say that it is going to make it that much harder to lose the weight. Whatever. I'm old, it's going to be hard to lose the weight anyway. Bring it on, Turkey. Yeah, and invite your friend Mashed Potatoes to the party, too. Bring it.

3. Time to Stop and Smell the Roses. I am absolutely loving the extra moment I have at least twice a day to just take a breath and think about that things that matter most to me. Sure, that time is when I have to stop and catch my breath between putting each shoe on. Doesn't mean I can't enjoy it.

4. Handicapped Parking. Can I say that I just LOVE that when you are pregnant you are able to use hadicapped parking spaces? The convenience of being able to park close to the entrance to any giving building is immeasurable. Not to mention how nice it is in inclement weather. I have a hard enough time walking anywhere as it is. I don't know what I would do without the use of handicapped parking. What a blessing!
Wait. What's that you say? Pregnant women AREN'T supposed to use the handicapped parking spaces?? What?!? How rude. OK, scratch that. Just forget I said anything.

5. Baby on Board ... And Totally in the Way. I apologize, honey, I simply can't do the dishes. Can't quite reach the sink. So sorry. Guess you'll have to wash them again. I feel really bad about it, though. REALLY bad.

There it is folks. The pregnancy Top 5. I'm sure a ton of other wonderful perks of being pregnant will come to me later ... just don't have time right now. Have to go so I can find some Tums and crawl around to relieve pressure from my hips or I'm sure I could think of a million more.


  1. How did I miss this post? So good to read about how things are going. Love the way to write. Hope your Christmas was wonderful! Happy New Year!

  2. Cyndie! You are hilarious, as always. Love this post.

  3. You are amazing. Truly. I didn't think it was possible to come up with even ONE good thing about being pregnant and you have gone above and beyond with FIVE! Amazing.