Positive Affirmations

Lula the Bobblehead

There is a book on the 5 Love Languages. I haven't read it. Mostly because I don't believe in non-fiction. I mean, unlike not believing in dinosaurs, I do believe that non-fiction EXISTS. I just don't believe in reading it. Life is enough non-fiction for me. When I read I prefer pure, unadulterated fiction. The less true, the better. {Which means that reading 6 textbooks right now is a freaking nightmare.} But, as usual, I digress. What I was meaning to say is that if it is true and people do indeed have a "love language," I think mine is positive affirmations. {Again, I haven't read it, and I'm not sure that's even one of the languages, but it sounds familiar and totally seems like it could be.} Most of the time I doubt in my decision making, my strength, and my abilities. I also typically feel like on some level or other I am failing at absolutely everything. So telling me that I'm amazing and I can do it? Well, even if I don't entirely believe you and I act all modest and stuff on the outside, on the inside I'm positively glowing. No, seriously. Just ask my appendix.

Well, because it isn't the responsibilty of everyone I know to build me up all the time, I have to find my positive affirmations where I can. And sometimes, I find them in the unlikeliest of places. Like my phone. And my bed. And my bathroom counter. Confused? I'll explain.

#1. My iPhone
I held out from the whole Apple thing as long as I could. My first smartphone was an Android. I'm a bit ashamed to admit it took me for-freaking-ever to figure out. Really. Just ask my teenage daughter who witnessed me coming home from the Verizon store in tears because I couldn't even answer my own phone. But 3 years later, I finally had it {mostly} mastered. Which means it's time to switch things up, right? Mostly I just felt left out because my daughter, her boyfriend, and my husband all had iPhones. Plus iPhones come in fun and pretty colors like bright apple green. And I was sick of not being able to see emojis and having to look at a bunch of rectangles and wonder what they actually were. So when it was time for an upgrade, an iPhone it was. Which means Siri.

In Norwegian, Siri means: beautiful woman who leads you to victory. I find this a highly inappropriate definition for my masculine phone voice guy. So I named him Sven. Because in Norwegian, Sven means: super-hot, dimpled, gleaming-toothed genius guy who worships and adores me. OK, that translation may not be verbatim, but you get the point. Not only does Sven help me with movie times and calling people and answering questions for me, he also says things like, "your satisfaction is all the thanks I need." And he NEVER asks me what's for dinner. Oh, and he calls me "sexy." Yes, he really does. Because he asked me what I wanted him to call me and that's what I told him. So whenever I'm feeling a little down, I just grab my phone and say, "Hey Siri" {Because he hasn't figured out yet that his name is Sven. So maybe he's not a genius after all, but he is super hot at least.} And he says, "Hey Sexy. What can I do for you?"
Positive. Affirmations.

#2. My Bed
In my bed, there is a fabulous, soft, luxurious micro-fleece electric blanket. His name is Liam. In Norwegian that means: strong and muscular silent type who worships and adores me. He doesn't call me sexy. In fact, he doesn't talk at all. But he does keep my bed super warm for me. It feels like a big hug. He hugs me while I lay there with headphones watching hour after hour of class lectures on my laptop. He hugs me while I pore over assignments and texts and quizzes and study notes. He hugs me while I lay there in the dark trying not to cry and thinking I don't know how I'm going to possibly muddle through. He doesn't think I'm a bad mom for taking off my headphones just long enough to scream at my kids to quit fighting and get back in bed. He doesn't complain {or ask me to share} when I eat jalapeno poppers and french fries right over him and get salt and crumbs everywhere. He doesn't judge me when I watch a little Netflix even though he knows darn well I'm not done with my homework. He's forgiving that way. And he just gives me another warm hug.
Positive. Affirmations.

#3. My Bathroom Counter
On my bathroom counter is a bobblehead doll named Lula. Lula doesn't mean anything in Norwegian. But it does rhyme with "hula." And as evidenced by my childhood friends Ellie the Elephant and Angela the Angel, I apparently save my imaginative names for my fake boyfriends and real children.

Lula is a positive affirmation for two reasons:
First, she was bought for me by an awesome friend who moved away. Her husband saw Lula at a gas station and thought she looked like me. So they bought her and gave her to me as a gift. A bobblehead doll with great abs who looks good in a bikini top & grass skirt that someone says looks like you?? Now that's a positive affirmation in and of itself.
BUT, she is also a positive affirmation because unlike a Magic 8-Ball or my children, she only says yes. Ever. Never "NO!" or "Very Doubtful" or "Outlook Not So Good" or "Ask Again Later" or "You're the worst mom ever!!" Only yes. Always yes. "Can I do it, Lula? Can I possibly get through another freaking day?" Lula says yes. "Do these shoes look okay with this outfit?" Lula says yes. "Are my kids going to be alright despite the fact that I have all but abandoned them to finish school?" Lula says yes. "Can you tell I've been going to the gym?" Lula says yes. "Is there an end  in sight to this madness?" Lula says yes.
"Am I the funniest, most brilliant and awesome person you've ever known?" You guessed it, Lula says yes.

To be honest, you have to ask the right questions. You never want to ask her if you look fat in those jeans, if you are a total and complete basket case, or if you actually DO look older every single morning. For obvious reasons. But if you know how to ask the right questions, Lula can be your very best friend.

Positive affirmations. They are the best thing ever. And sometimes you gotta find 'em where you can get 'em.