Tuesday, January 6, 2015

The Top 5 Annoying Trends of 2014

It's no secret. 2014 was not my favorite year. I am wondering if I just don't have good luck with even-numbered years. Because I distinctly remember 2008 and 2010 being crappy years as well. And 1974? Well, if I recall correctly, I spent the entire year crying. And not being able to even walk or feed myself. Terrible year, that one. So if the even-year theory works out for me I should be set for this year. But hold that thought...no, wait...2009 sucked too. And 2003. Crap. But 2015? Doesn't it just have a nice ring to it? Well, maybe years with a 5 at the end will be good ones for me. I mean, 1985 was the year that Better Off Dead, Weird Science AND Ladyhawke came out, so obviously an awesome year. (Pee-Wee's Big Adventure and The Black Cauldron came out that year, too. So not a PERFECT year, but a good one at least.) My beautiful oldest was born in 1995. I don't remember anything wonderful happening in 2005, but it's also not associated with anything particularly terrible for me either, so I'm just going to assume it was a good one. Granted, that means that I will only have a good year once every 5 years, and that sounds kinda depressing. But, what do I know? Maybe the next 10 will be spectacular. Even if there are no more Lord of the Rings movies coming out. Ever again. BUT, to be fair, there will also be no more Twilight movies. It's all about the trade offs.

With no desire whatsoever to rehash the trials of the year, what I would like to do is mention the things that annoyed me most throughout 2014. Because, if you're already having a difficult time of things, who the heck wants to be annoyed on top of it?? Not me, that's for sure. The year that I almost completely lose it should NOT be the same year that a congressional panel convenes to interrogate Dr. Oz about diet supplements. It just shouldn't.

So, in no particular order because I am equally annoyed by all of them, I present:

The 5 Trends That Annoyed Me Most in 2014

#1. Overalls on Grown-Ups
This was a tough one for me. Simply because I am annoyed by so many fashion trends right now. I lived through both the 80's and the 90's once already. The clothes were awful then. They are awful now. And worst of all, I don't know how to wear most of  them. Ponte and palazzo pants? What do you wear those with?? I haven't tucked a shirt in since 1996. I don't even remember how to do it. I've heard it is actually fashionable right now to tuck your shirt just in the front and leave the rest untucked. So people think you were running late or in a hurry to leave the bathroom? I'm so confused. And the returning fashions from Season 1 of Friends? Why? Just why? Crop tops? High waisted jeans? Baggy sweaters and leggings? Really?!? Two words: Un. Flattering. And then there are boys in girls jeans. I don't get it. I can't even tell the Men's & Women's sections apart at some department stores. Completely see-through shirts? What?? Why? I don't want to wear two shirts. And the alternative? Not pretty. But overalls on adults? Well, I've thought long and hard and decided that those are simply the worst. Overalls should not be worn by any adults who aren't farmers. Ever. The only advantage they might have over regular jeans is that giant pocket in the front. But that's only an advantage until you go to the bathroom. Then it just becomes a hazard. And a mess. I don't get it. I never will. I wish they would go away forever. And never come back.

#2. The ALS Ice-Bucket Challenge
I am fairly certain that this has finally petered out of existence. And yes, it is nice to donate to a cause. And to be aware of diseases that affect various people. But can't you just do it because you want to? Why ya gotta dump a bucket of cold water on your head? For literally MONTHS out of the past year my social media sites were inundated with people pouring cold water on their heads. And nominating others to do the same. 4-year olds. 12-year-olds. 25-year olds. 50-year olds. In some places in the world people actually died doing some crazy extreme versions of the Ice Bucket Challenge (I know. Don't get me started.) I just don't get it. My 13-year old says it's because I'm lame. She's probably right. It just seems like it was mostly a way for celebrities to show off their gorgeous houses & yards and to name drop. "I nominate my BFF Beyonce and ALL of the Beatles...wait, what do you mean half of them are dead? When did THAT happen? I didn't get a tweet!" And for teenage girls to film themselves in wet t-shirts without their parents getting mad. And it makes me wonder what will be next? Coke Drinking Contest for Caffeine-Induced Anxiety Disorder Awareness? How about a Balloon Popping Contest to raise money for Globophobia research? There's just no telling what will show up in your news feed next. If you think of it first maybe you'll be famous like the guy who started the Ice-Bucket Challenge. You know, that one guy...what's his name?

#3. The Bacon Obsession
Bacon is good. Bacon is very good. On things like cheeseburgers. Or BLTs. Or potato soup. Or a plate with pancakes and eggs on it. Or...nope, that's it. Things that bacon is not good on/in? Donuts. Candy. Cookies. Air Freshener. Lip Balm. Toothpaste. Not. Good. So let's refresh. (No, not with bacon breath mints.) Bacon: Good. An As-Seen-On-TV Perfect Bacon Bowl so you can eat whatever you want out of a bowl made of bacon: Unnecessary. Bacon Soda: Downright disgusting.

#4. Keep Calm and...
Stop it. Just stop. The memes. The shirts. The mugs. The hats. The posters. Stop it. All of it. Keep Calm and Bake On. Keep Calm and Study On. Keep Calm and Eat a Cupcake. Keep Calm and Drink Tea. Keep Calm and Call a Realtor. It's like the worst thing since Got Milk. Except at least that was a question. Keep Calm is a command. Don't tell me what to do. Keep calm?? How? How am I supposed to keep calm when you WON'T STOP TELLING ME TO KEEP CALM?!??!! I won't do it. I won't keep calm. I won't carry on. You can't make me.

#5. Which _______ Are You?
A quiz shared on Facebook every now and then? Ok, fine. It's fun. It's harmless. It takes only a couple minutes of your time. But it got a little out of control in 2014. Star Wars Character. Color. Past-Life Persona. Alright. Fun. Harmless. Mildly interesting. Once. But, which state would you live in while you were which character from the Hunger Games who hooked up with which Walking Dead character while watching which incarnation of The Doctor while playing with which classic 80's toy while making dinner with which Jennifer Lawrence character?? It's too much. Nobody needs to be defined that much. And I don't care what they say. Nobody's life is like any Disney movie. Unless someone climbs up your hair, carved you out of wood, or your dad was trampled by wildebeasts. I know it may feel Cinderella-like to have to clean and cook constantly, but if no woodland creatures are sewing your clothes while you clean... Well, I hate to break it to you, but don't wait up for that Fairy Godmother. You probably won't be attending any balls anytime soon.

There they are. The 5 trends that annoyed me the most in 2014. I'm sure many more things annoyed me throughout the year, but they were probably people posting videos of their pets. (This man gives his cat a Perfect Bacon Bowl to play with and you won't believe what happens next!!) And my children. And you don't want to hear about that.

Happy New Year!

1 comment:

  1. I freaking love you. Love, love, love. I don't think anyone makes me laugh like you do. And, as an added bonus, you always help me to be really grateful that I'm not on FB. "Cyndie eats a bacon-glazed donut in her trendy overalls while photographing herself simultaneously doing the ice bucket challenge and taking a "Which Oprah Guest Are YOU?" quiz and neither keeps calm nor carries on...just wait til you see what happens next!!"

    P.S. I became a Mommy and you became an official aunt in 2005, so that counts for something, right??