The Story of My Life

I promised more rewritten One Direction. I'm sure you've been waiting with bated breath, so here it is. Many of you were lucky enough never to have heard the Midnight Memories song on which I based my Mid-Life Crisis Hair, but if you have not yet heard this one, well I'm very jealous. (And please tell me where you live and so I can move there.)

The Story of a Mom's Life. Just in time for summer. Oh you know, that time of year when we have to have sunshine because we cannot possibly deal with both snow AND children being home all day. (There's a word for that time of year, it's called Christmas Break and you know as well as I do that if it lasted longer than 2 weeks there are very few of us who could survive it.) 

In the interest of full disclosure, my kids are getting a little bit older so many of our current day battles are less about bedtime and more about ... well, I have 3 girls. I'm not sure what they are about. Neither are they. I just know there's a lot of crying. And pouting. And screaming. And more crying. However, in my last 18 years as a mother I can say with total candor that all of these things are issues I have dealt with. Frequently. If not issues I am currently dealing with (Yes, my fridge does actually stink...or maybe it's the freezer. Or the garbage disposal. Don't judge.)

At any rate, I hope you enjoy my re-written Story of My Life. I hope it lets you know that you're not the only one locking themselves in the bathroom to enjoy a candy bar alone like it's crack. And I hope it makes you laugh. Because without laughter, let's just say that the life of a parent would be less...well, um, livable.

The Story of My Life

Written on these walls is the crayon that I can't erase

Leave the bathroom door open; they're gonna come in anyway

Wake up in the morning and the dishes are still sitting in the sink

Better clean the fridge out...the lettuce is starting to stink

And I'll be up late tonight

The kids won't go to bed without a fight

Demanding drinks of water, a book, a nightlight

With no breaks in between

The story of my life

Now can you guess

Which movie's on? Did you say yes?

That's right...it's Fro-o-o-zen

The story of my life

I'm losing hope

They spend my cash

Until I'm broke

(It's true)

The story of my life

Overflowing in the baskets is laundry that I can't fold

You're lucky I washed it, now put it away like you're told!

I'll wake up in the morning just to do the whole thing over again

Dreaming of the day that I can sleep in until 10.

  

And I'll be hiding out somewhere

I've only got one Coke left; don't wanna share

Go ahead keep getting toys out; I just don't care

Cuz nothing's ever clean

The story of my life

Now can you guess

Which soundtrack's on? Did you say yes?

That's right...it's Fro-o-o-zen

The story of my life

No time alone

Especially when 

I'm on the phone

(It's true)

The story of my life

And I'll be waiting for the day you get along

Cuz something tells me that my patience is not that strong

The story of my life

Now can you guess

Which movie I wish I'd seen 50 times less?

That's right...it's Fro-o-o-zen

The story of my life

Go right ahead

Wear stripes with plaid

My will is dead

(It's true)

The story of my life

The story of my life

The story of my life (the story of, the story of)

The story of my life